The holidays are upon us. Are you feeling merry and bright, or…anxious?
What if you were to treat this Holiday Season more like an Advent Calendar, and less like a Yankee Swap?
It’s counter-intuitive that this time of year, which is meant to be so festive, can be nothing short of exhausting. There are parties to attend at work, school, and all of the charities and organizations you’re involved with, not to mention the neighborhood, friend groups and, of course, family. The to-do list doubles with shopping, cooking, baking, decorating, shipping and so on. Somehow all of these tasks take longer than they should because they always seem to entail rummaging through boxes in the basement or searching for a cherished family recipe in the junk drawer. The house has to be clean at all times in case of drop-in company. Greeting cards have to be mailed before the rush — with a follow-up batch sent out to people you forgot to include in the first round. The weather gets messy just as your travel plans gear up.
The burden of so many extra chores, activities and distractions brings chaos into even the most carefully ordered life. Throw in the barrage of blinking lights and interactive store displays and auto-tuned carols blaring from every speaker, and you officially enter holiday-induced sensory overload. It can be especially hard to feel in control of your ADHD at times like this.
So, as another holiday season bears down on us, it’s time to make a choice about your attitude.
To illustrate what I mean, let’s turn our attention to two very different holiday traditions.
First, think back to your childhood Advent Calendar. In case this is a tradition you aren’t familiar with, or if Advent Calendars are just a fuzzy memory from your youth, they’re special calendars counting down to Christmas. These calendars represent the Christian Advent Season and daily reminders of the days leading up to Christ’s birth. They come in cheery colors, often illustrated with winter scenes. As each day passes, you open a flap on the calendar and receive a small trinket, candy or some other treat. Every day you have s special gift to focus on until the next day when you get a new one. You have the opportunity to enjoy and savor the moment.
Now, let’s discuss Yankee Swaps. In this rowdy party game, everyone brings a wrapped gift to the event. Each guest is assigned a number and everyone chooses a gift from the pile in numerical order. The trick is that everyone can choose either to keep the wrapped gift they grab from the pile, or they can “swap” and steal someone else’s unwrapped gift. So guest #2 selects his gift, and can either keep his wrapped mystery parcel or steal guest #1’s unwrapped box of chocolates. Likewise, guest #10 can keep her gift from the pile or she can opt to steal from guest #9, or #8, or #7…you get the idea. In the end, it all comes full circle to guest #1, who can choose from all of the unwrapped gifts to make a final swap.
Why the refresher lesson in holiday traditions? Because they represent the two extremes of the holiday experience.
As you can imagine, Yankee Swaps get heated. Inevitably there is one particularly enticing gift that gets stolen over and over again. Even if you like your gift, you never know if someone down the line will swoop in and snatch it away from you.
Advent Calendars, on the other hand, are quiet and peaceful. They emphasize ritual: a serene moment each day to reflect on the joy of the season. You exercise patience, pacing yourself to open the flaps one day at a time. Even though the reward waiting behind the flap is simple, it still brings pleasure. You remember how precious this time of year is, and how much you miss it when it’s over.
We all need more of the Advent Calendar perspective during the holidays, especially those of us with ADHD. Make the conscious choice now to avoid the grouchier side of the holiday season. If you start to feel stressed, annoyed, petty, (or if you start to say “Bah, humbug!”) take a cue from the Advent Calendar experience. Put yourself in a place that will make you feel calm and appreciative: a walk outside, a visit to your church, even looking out a window at the snow. Feel at peace for a little while, and remind yourself of all you have to be grateful for. Each day has a special gift of joy for you.
Seek it out, and appreciate it.
