If you are a parent of a teenager, you have probably gotten into an argument with your child more than once.
It might even be a daily part of your routine. Whether it starts over clothes, messes, bad habits, schoolwork, or something else, sooner or later the “discussion” will veer off and take on a life of its own, leading to an annoying cycle of poor communication.
As a parent with the ADD/ADHD brain type, it’s safe to say that you’re a heavyweight arguer; many rapid-fire thinkers like to use arguments as a multi-purpose tool. Early on you learned to argue a point, no matter how minor, no matter how little you knew about it, just to be acknowledged and have a voice that got heard. If you needed to make conversation, arguing became your go-to tactic. You had to have the correct understanding or the better idea.
Sound familiar? But arguing then becomes part of your identity. Instead of sharing your feelings, you decide to argue with your loved ones—to prove your point, to be right. You dodge frank, earnest, honest conversations. When you talk fast and think fast it’s easier to hide behind a rhetorical argument and prove your point than it is to let down your guard and be real. If your child has ADD or ADHD too, this goes double!
Hang up the gloves and step out of the ring, champ. Your family will suffer if this toxic routine continues. Have a blunt conversation with your kid about the habit behind the arguing—it will open your child’s eyes, too. Take control of the habit, and choose to set it aside. When you find yourselves slipping back into the old bickering routine, acknowledge it and walk away.
If a deeper issue needs to be discussed, talk about it calmly. Deciding to be real and communicate without the shield of an argument feels deeply uncomfortable, but the level of honest understanding that you will achieve is worth so much more than “winning” a silly dispute.
