Sometimes it just needs to be said bluntly.
When you’re in a relationship with a rapid-fire thinker, you need to understand that you can’t fix them.
ADHD-ers as a group are fun, full of life, and a pleasure to spend time with. People with and without ADHD fall in love all the time, and have wonderful relationships. But when something goes wrong, the partner without ADHD might feel like the solution is crystal clear. How can your brilliant, creative, energetic significant other with ADHD not see how clear the solution is? Why can’t he or she simply follow your perfect advice??
My answer is because your problem solving method is not the only problem solving method. You can help them along the road and shine the light brightly on what’s going on, spelling out your understanding of the situation to make them become more conscious of their behavior. But that’s about all you can do.
It is up to the ADHD-er to decide on his or her own goal, to make a plan, and to stick to it.
Some with ADHD are easily motivated to change their behavior. Some are not ready to change, and struggle deeply with maintaining a long-term plan. Others are driven to succeed on their own terms but hate listening to and accepting ideas and feedback.
Whatever is the case for you, you need to come to terms with the fact that you cannot force others to do what they are neither willing nor able to do no matter how sure you are they will benefit. You need to look no farther than your own experiences to understand annoying it is to be forced. Here is an affirmation to help you live with a person with ADHD: ‘I can’t control what anyone does. They will do what they will do. I can love them and be brave enough to tell them the truth as I see it. That’s what I have to contribute.’
